World Baseball Classic: Freedom vs. Communism/Hate

The Dominicans run the world in baseball.  Undefeated in the last World Baseball Classic.  AND I LOVE IT.  If it weren’t for the Dominicans, us Americans would not give two turds about the WBC.  They are the Joker to our Batman.  The Rose to our Jack (referring to that wench hogging the entire door in the Titanic).  Caitlyn Jenner to our Bruce Jenner, just chopping off our manhood and creating an identity crisis.  Sick analogies bro.  If it weren’t for America the Dominican wouldn’t have baseball and therefore would probably be annexed or made an American territory.  I don’t know I’m not a historian, I don’t “know how that works”.  But if it weren’t for the Dominican, the MLB and baseball would not be the same.  Some of the best players come from the DC but dammit are they cocky.

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It’s time to sound the Freedom Alarm, get ready to roll up your sleeves, tuck it in your waistband, and take back baseball… the only way us 3rd party bystanders can… drinking dirt cheap american beer and yelling at the TV like we are fully capable of hitting a 98mph heater.  SGOOOOOO. Speaking of heaters…

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These delicious little girth rockets are jam packed with every amendment and bits and pieces of real bald eagle.  4 pack of these suckers= $3.99 at Walgreens.  I got them once back in college and the clerk lady said, “Hell you might as well drink piss.” Hard to argue with her, but its sterile and I like the taste.  Ever since that I have never looked at 65 year old Walgreens clerks the same.

 

Yeah we are a month out until the WBC.  Yes, I may be in the minority of people who care about the WBC.  Yes it’s not really a “classic” when it’s only been around for 11 years.  You may ask, Kyle why do you give a shit right now?  I give a fecal matter because I love my country.  And this is the second best international sports tournament behind the FIFA World Cup.  It’s free baseball right before not free baseball is back. *Eyes on you MLB.TV for making me pay 200 bucks to watch the Astros play UNLESS THEY ARE BLACKED OUT LOCALLY THEN IM JUST SCREWED*

 

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Of course we get the Dominican and Canada in our bracket.  GOOD.  And of course it’s going to be in Miami where it will basically be a Dominican block party with airhorns and weird customs us Americans know not of.  GOOD.  I WANT IT.  FREEDOM ALE FOR DAYSSSSSSS.

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Bregman casually making the WBC in his first full season as a professional baller.  Pretty sweet that Stanton chose to play even though he basically shattered his face last year.  Dude is a home run hitting robot killer.

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Not a bad little group of American thoroughbreds.

Here’s a brief one line all you need to know preview of our top competition.

  1. Dominican Republic:  Fernando Rodney, Nelson Cruz, and Adrian Beltre along with at least 3 others will wear their hats slightly tilted to one side surely to piss off the 70-year old American male demographic.
  2. Venezuela: Jose “Pocket Jesus” Altuve, Miguel Cabrera, and CarGo lead a scary sleeeeeperrrr.
  3. Puerto Rico: Sweet sweet Carlos Correa will be warming up for his MVP run.
  4. Canada: Only reason I even put them on here is because California born Freddie is choosing to play for Canada to honor his mother, who was Canadian born, who passed away when he was 10. #RespectFam
  5. Japan: Surely to delay a game because of the “Take 17 seconds in my wind up” pitching tactic, bold strategy Cotton. (2 Dodgeball references in one blog???)

 

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Here’s your excuse to start weekday drinking right now.  “IM TAILGATING FOR MY COUNTRY BABE LAY OFF ME!”

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