The Origins of Poopsock

Written by: Matty Goldberg

It was the Summer of ’15. I had no desire to go outside and enjoy the hot weather. I just wanted to be indoors and watch a strange kid on periscope live his bizarre life. He bragged about  pooping in a sock and throwing it at his teacher’s house on the Dirty Sports Podcast.  Call him a troll or call him a moron, but I call him a bizarre visual artist. I am forever a fan and defender of Poopsock.

Some DirtBalls might be new to the whole DirtBall world and are wondering what or who is a Poopsock. He is a loyal, insane DirtBall that often gets under the skin of Praino and Ruther. He claims to have played wide receiver for his high school football team, and it’s not a special needs school. But his legacy will forever be the talent of squatting his butt over a tube sock and relieving his bowels.

Lets go back to the Summer of 2015. Poopsock would broadcast his life on periscope and hundreds of DirtBalls would tune in commenting with hatred and praise. I was impressed that the man was never phased. When someone called him a “dumb inbred hick,” he would come back with a simple “I just fucked your mom” joke.

The kid was never sensitive or phased and I admired it. He took a lot of abuse when him and his roly poley buddy Cutler would swim in a sewer infested river, which I deemed, ‘shit sock river.’ The water seriously looked like all the urine and feces were dumped from a Buffalo Bills home game. This did not deter Lord Poop Sock who proudly swam through the shit, and then later bragged that he didn’t shower for days. This almost made him some bizarro super hero.

But what truly put Mr. Poopsock on the map was him pooping in a sock at a McDonald’s bathroom. And then taking the disgusting sock and hurling it the counter. Before the unsuspecting employees at McDonald’s realized what was thrown their way, a dashing Poopsock ran to a get away car screaming “drive drive drive!” 

Then the driver started to get nauseous.

“It smells so bad. I can’t take it,” he screamed.

Then he vomited. 

It was all seen live on periscope. What a freaking weird moment that should have been on television for all to see. I thought this kid is a star.

Maybe I’m a nut job, but to me that was quality entertainment. Most people would find his actions repulsive, but aside from the poor worker at Mickey D’s who had to clean up the infamous sock, I was rolling on the floor laughing.

And so now Poopsock is coming to visit. Thinking about it, I am kind of scared. He’s certainly a dude you want to watch on periscope, and not be in his world, viewing him from a distance. But me and Miss Uconn plan to show him a good time. I’m still scared what he might do in my sister’s basement. I’m scared at Dodger stadium he is going to say something to the wrong dude and get stabbed. If he starts going in my sock draw, I have enough funds to send him to a seedy motel. The adventure awaits.

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