Lavar Ball = Cash Me Outside Girl

Written By: Matty Goldberg

It was nearly a month ago, my girlfriend showed me a video of a poor, lost girl on Dr. Phil bragging about how she’s a terrible, awful, disrespectful daughter. As she sat there, and did her best Jay Cutler, ‘I give zero fucks,’ performance, she came up with an organic catchphrase, “cash me outside, howaboutdat.”

It was a disturbing, sad moment. A young girl getting over on television as a sad train wreck, as Dr. Phil did his best look of, “oh my god, I am so concerned for this poor girl.”

As we all know he was holding inside the feeling that this girl is great for ratings and just might make him relevant again. Who knew she would become a bizarre phenomenon, with meme after meme, song remixes and getting five figures for live appearances.

I understand these things happen, and I do enjoy a good Jerry Springer hooker fight, but it always sucks when characters like these creep into sports. It bummed me out when just 48 hours after Lonzo Ball’s underwhelming ten point, losing performance against Kentucky, he and his troll father were paraded onto Stephen A. Smith’s show to say more outrageous things just to get cheap ratings. Lavar Ball is simply an adult version of the “cashme outside,” girl.

Lavar Ball didn’t disappoint claiming UCLA would win the national title next year when his middle son Liangelo would join the team as a freshman. A just utter stupid statement, when Lonzo is better and him, and this season he had a stacked team with other freshman sensation TJ Leaf, who was also one and done. As Lavar spoke, a shy Lonzo hid under a hoodie, and looked miserable. The Lavar Ball show was happening.

And that is the insane thing. Just a few weeks ago when Lonzo was rolling, we all bought into the father’s bullshit. The demands of a 1 billion dollar sneaker contract. The statement that Lonzo will only play for the Lakers. And the dumbest statement of all that his son is better than two-time MVP Steph Curry. Yes, for a moment a lot of us were buying what he was selling.

But the Kentucky-UCLA game said a lot. Lonzo looked scared and timid. He refused to drive to the hoop, and the player he was covering scored 39 points.

He isn’t ready for the NBA, and maybe an extra year at UCLA would do him a lot of good. But its not up to him. Everything is controlled by his troll father who’s vicariously living through his sons. And with networks like ESPN, who try to act like the bleeding heart, sjw of sports stories, he is more than happy to bring out Lavar Ball, in hopes he says dumb shit. Maybe they will coach him to get a catch phrase.

I’ll end this by giving major respect to CBS. Watching the first game of the tourney, I turned to Ruther and said, bet you they show Lavar twenty times.”

CBS didn’t show him once. It was a wise decision, not making an annoying father the story. But in the future expect these headlines from ESPN…

Lavar Ball says Brian Scalabrine is better than Russel Westbrook

Lavar Ball shoots 3 under par at minature golf.

Lavar Ball does Molly with Johnny Manziel at Coachella

Lavar ball to be Tim Tebow’s personal hitting coach.

Lavar Ball likes big tits. 


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