Aaron Hernandez Death Conspiracies

There is absolutely NO way Aaron Hernandez killed himself. He was just acquitted of double murder last week and his lawyer Jose Baez (not the Cubs player) was going to pursue a re-trial of the Odin Loyd murder which had sentenced Hernandez to life in prison without parole. So I believe Hernandez was killed on the inside and I have a number of possible suspects:

Adam Schefter – That’s right, old Schefty is prime suspect #1 in my book. He’s always the first to break any major football related news. So the ESPN football insider had Hernandez whacked so he could be the first person to break the story. Schefter’s entire life is breaking football news and we know he’ll do it whatever it takes to be the first one out with the story. Well, that’s pretty easy if you’re the one committing the crime.

Tim Tebow – They used to be teammates at Florida and briefly on the New England Patriots, so they have history together. While Tebow is not an obvious choice don’t be fooled by his so-called Christian virtues. Hernandez’s recent trial and acquittal brought him to the forefront of the news again. This meant those Tebow dick slurpers at ESPN spent less time covering his pathetic hitting in Single A baseball and more time covering Hernandez. Did Tebow have him whacked so he could be back in the spotlight?

OJ Simpson – Until Aaron Hernandez started clipping dudes on a regular basis the Juice was the greatest murdering NFL player of all-time. While Hernandez’s stats on the field pale in comparison to Simpson he did beat him in murders. We know Hernandez killed 3 people, attempted another, and those are just the ones we know about. Did OJ have Hernandez killed to save his legacy as the GOAT murderer in NFL history?

The Sugar – Recently on our show we’ve talked at length about how sugar will kill a man. Just ask Eddy Curry or Bartolo Colon, who are both well on their well to an imminent sugar death. Like Dave Chappelle said on his latest special – sugar/salt is responsible for more deaths in the hood than drive-by shootings. Did all that sugar in prison actually take down the former Pro-Bowl Tight End?

Eagles Fans – Hernandez was just acquitted of two murders and was set for a re-trial of his current life sentence. He was trending upwards to have his first verdict reversed, which would mean he’d be released from jail. And we all know the minute he left prison he’d be signed by Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys. Hernandez would be the perfect replacement for Jason Witten, who’s NFL days are coming to an end. Imagine Hernandez teaming up with Dak Prescott, Dez Bryant, and Ezekiel Elliot – they’d be unstoppable. Did Eagles fans see this coming and have Hernandez murdered in prison to save years of humiliating defeats to the Cowboys?

 

2 Comments
  1. Profile photo of Stephen Calandrino
    Stephen Calandrino 1 month ago

    If anyone thinks Aaron Hernandez committed suicide, they are literally dumber than Poop Sock. Hernandez had a real shot of getting off on the hook for the Lloyd case on appeal, since the double murder was supposed to be the motive for killing Lloyd. Here are some other possibilities:

    1. Alexander Bradley: He’s probably the most likely suspect. Aaron Hernandez took his eye and left him for dead (allegedly). Even Aaron Hernandez was scared of this dude. He even said UNDER OATH that he made it his mission in life to kill Aaron Hernandez!

    2. Tom Brady: Tom Brady backs out on the White House Trip at the last minute. Next thing you know, Aaron Hernandez is dead. Either way, Tom Brady has probably already destroyed his phone with his hammer (possibly the murder weapon). Also, his gross ‘taco’ recipe pretty much confirms he hates everyone/everything that’s Mexican. Plus, if anyone can kill a man in New England and get away with it, it’s Tom Brady.

    3. Shaneah Jenkins: Shaneah is the only person on this list with a bigger reason to hate Hernandez than Bradley. She was Odin Lloyd’s girlfriend and her sister was Aaron Hernandez’s fiancée, Shayanna Jenkins. Now, killing her boyfriend was bad enough, but judging by the fact that Shayanna stood by Hernandez’s side throughout the trial suggests that the sisters’ relationship is pretty much destroyed. All this pain and suffering, thanks to Aaron Hernandez. Could the thought of him being a free man one day cause her to snap?

    4. Shayanna Jenkins: Despite standing by Hernandez for years, she also has a pretty convincing motive. Hernandez’s defense certainly wasn’t cheap, and an appeal of the Lloyd case would cost even more, meaning less money for her. But with Aaron Hernandez’s death, he could be cleared posthumously due to this legal rule called “abatement,” which basically means the state will not any appeals who’s request were granted. This opens the state up for several lawsuits for everything from wrongful death to wrongful imprisonment. Shayanna stands to gain a shitload of money.

    5. President Donald Trump: President Trump already promised to crack down on crime and illegal immigration, and having Aaron Hernandez killed checks off at least one of those boxes.

    6. Roger Goodell: Could you imagine the PR nightmare Roger Goodell would have to deal with if Aaron Hernandez got out of prison and signed with the Las Vegas Raiders, and did the same shit he did back in Boston?

    7. The Guy Who Killed Harambe: I’m not sure if this guy is a man, or a force of nature like Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men who goes around killing anyone and anything whose death will set the internet on fire.

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