There is absolutely NO way Aaron Hernandez killed himself. He was just acquitted of double murder last week and his lawyer Jose Baez (not the Cubs player) was going to pursue a re-trial of the Odin Loyd murder which had sentenced Hernandez to life in prison without parole. So I believe Hernandez was killed on the inside and I have a number of possible suspects:
Adam Schefter – That’s right, old Schefty is prime suspect #1 in my book. He’s always the first to break any major football related news. So the ESPN football insider had Hernandez whacked so he could be the first person to break the story. Schefter’s entire life is breaking football news and we know he’ll do it whatever it takes to be the first one out with the story. Well, that’s pretty easy if you’re the one committing the crime.
Tim Tebow – They used to be teammates at Florida and briefly on the New England Patriots, so they have history together. While Tebow is not an obvious choice don’t be fooled by his so-called Christian virtues. Hernandez’s recent trial and acquittal brought him to the forefront of the news again. This meant those Tebow dick slurpers at ESPN spent less time covering his pathetic hitting in Single A baseball and more time covering Hernandez. Did Tebow have him whacked so he could be back in the spotlight?
OJ Simpson – Until Aaron Hernandez started clipping dudes on a regular basis the Juice was the greatest murdering NFL player of all-time. While Hernandez’s stats on the field pale in comparison to Simpson he did beat him in murders. We know Hernandez killed 3 people, attempted another, and those are just the ones we know about. Did OJ have Hernandez killed to save his legacy as the GOAT murderer in NFL history?
The Sugar – Recently on our show we’ve talked at length about how sugar will kill a man. Just ask Eddy Curry or Bartolo Colon, who are both well on their well to an imminent sugar death. Like Dave Chappelle said on his latest special – sugar/salt is responsible for more deaths in the hood than drive-by shootings. Did all that sugar in prison actually take down the former Pro-Bowl Tight End?
Eagles Fans – Hernandez was just acquitted of two murders and was set for a re-trial of his current life sentence. He was trending upwards to have his first verdict reversed, which would mean he’d be released from jail. And we all know the minute he left prison he’d be signed by Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys. Hernandez would be the perfect replacement for Jason Witten, who’s NFL days are coming to an end. Imagine Hernandez teaming up with Dak Prescott, Dez Bryant, and Ezekiel Elliot – they’d be unstoppable. Did Eagles fans see this coming and have Hernandez murdered in prison to save years of humiliating defeats to the Cowboys?